Thoughts of a Miko
by laurashrub
Summary: After another row with Inuyasha, Kagome comes home furious. Finding her mind occupied, she tries to clear it by sharing her thoughts...on paper.THREESHOT


**A/N **

**Another plot bunny driven story.I pretty much just sat with a pen and paper and let go. But I think in this case, if things seem a little all over the place, it's appropriate. Sorry if Kagome seems a little OOC, but she is incredibly angry when she starts. Guess that's what happens when you bottle everything up for a while. Not pleasant.**

* * *

I don't know what to say.

It is said that writing your feelings down is a great way to express yourself when you don't really want to say anything out loud. I guess it's because when you write, you write for your eyes alone and as you write, you can say the first thing that comes into your head without feeling guilty. So, by the time you're finished, you can look back over your scribblings and maybe, just maybe something will make sense and somehow you will feel much clearer in how to continue your life or sort out the problem. I suppose this is why so many people enjoy writing letters. It's a way to make sense of something and in a slightly more structured way than by simply speaking out loud. Perspective! That's the word.

But they never tell you what to do when you've finished writing!

I mean, are you supposed to keep it for future reference? But what if someone finds it? What if they read your personal thoughts and feelings at a particular point in life? It's too embarrassing to think about!

Or are you meant to destroy it? To get rid of the words you spent so much time over, hoping you will remember…only to forget and let it build up all over again?

It's too confusing…much like the maths homework I'm supposed to be studying right now.

Don't get me wrong. Normally I don't procrastinate. I don't have time to these days. Between my frequent absences from school and the limited time frames I have to catch up on my work, I'm barely scraping by as it is! It takes everything I have, plus tons of extra credit assignments, sympathy for my 'weak immune system' and a little brother who seems to have made it his personal duty to inform me of upcoming tests, to ensure I don't completely flunk out of school or be forced to repeat a grade. Hence the reason why I _should_ be studying right now.

But I can't concentrate. Not just yet.

Mom wanted to know why I was so mad when I came home today, but I think she could guess why and frankly wasn't surprised. Who would be? Me returning from the Feudal Era in a huff is not exactly uncommon. Of course Mom being Mom, she wanted to fuss over me and listen to me spill my guts about my problems (my words, not hers). I let her fuss. After all, in my life I very rarely have the chance to be fussed over and there isn't anyone else who would feel obligated to do so (except perhaps Kouga…but he would only do it to annoy Inuyasha and right now I would rather not think about it). But as for telling her what happened? No way! Sorry Mom, I do love you but some things I just can't share with you. Besides, you would listen to me and my problem right now would lead to a whole spiel of explanations that I am simply not ready to share yet. Right now, I just need to sort it out in my own head in my own way.

Staring with why I was upset.

In a word…Kouga.

* * *

It started like any normal day…or as normal as you can get when you're in the Feudal Era surrounded by demons and your travelling companions include a half demon, a fox demon child, a demon slayer and her twin tailed cat as well as a lecherous monk who has never learned to keep his hands to himself.

But it was normal.

The sun shone above us, the skies clear and blue, a gentle breeze keeping us cool as it wafted around us. We didn't hurry because we had no particular destination in mind. True, we still had a goal, the defeat of Naraku, but since we had no idea where he was, and neither Shikon jewel shards nor demonic auras could be detected, it is safe to say we were taking our own sweet time and enjoying it. We hadn't been travelling for very long that day…well, not long enough for Miroku to make his customary perverted moves on Sango (he takes a while to fully wake up). Her slaps always seem twice as powerful in the morning. I guess she isn't much of a morning person but it's hard to tell. If she is, she seems to hide it well enough…most of the time.

Anyway we were all walking along quite happily. Sango and Miroku walking side by side, Kirara perched companionably on Sango's shoulder, enjoying the ride and even mewing occasionally. Shippo skipped along beside me, taking two little jumps for every one of ours, but keeping up easily due to being both a demon and a kid chock full of energy. Inuyasha plodded along on my other side, hands tucked into the sleeves of his fire rat robe, eyes fixed straight ahead but totally relaxed. My bike had a flat tyre that day, so I walked with the rest of them rather than cycle. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. But on a day like this one I wasn't complaining. In fact, I would have been quite content to walk forever as long as the mood stayed this way.

But it was not to be.

A familiar sensation enveloped me…two familiar sensations to be exact. I stopped dead, turning to face the right, a seemingly harmless field of grass. But I knew better. I could feel it coming closer. I heard a low rumble behind me and the familiar 'Crack' of Inuyasha's claws and knuckles as he flexed his fingers. So he knew it was coming. So much for our peaceful mood lasting forever!

"What is it Kagome?" Shippo asked, tugging my sock to get my attention when he realised I had stopped.

Inuyasha growled again, completely furious. It's at times like this that I remember he's half _dog_ demon.

I swallowed, suddenly nervous, spotting the very, _very_ familiar tornado that was now hurtling towards us at an alarming rate. Or to be more precise…hurtling towards ME!

Miroku clearly noticed it too. "Is that..?" he asked, raising a hand to shield his eyes in order to see better.

"Yup," I confirmed glumly. I always hate these meetings. "It's Kou…" A blast of air from the tornado threw dust and leaves straight into our faces, forcing everyone, even Shippo, to shield them. I raised my hands and closed my eyes to protect them, hoping that when I opened them Kouga would either not be there to disturb our peaceful mood or would at least be standing a little away from me. Fat chance.

I felt a pair of hands grab my own and force them down just as the dust and leaves fell away and started to settle.

"…ga," I completed, uselessly. Everyone could see him by this point! I looked up into a pair of intense blue grey eyes. Oh great.

"Kagome. It's been too long. I could smell your scent on the wind and I had to see you, to reassure you that I was still alive," the wolf demon declared (in front of _everyone_) while holding my hands close to his heart.

"How…sweet," I answered, incredibly embarrassed, wishing (not for the first time) that he would let go of my hands.

Let me point out something here in case it isn't too clear. I_ don't_ love Kouga. I don't have a crush on Kouga. I don't even feel embarrassed or flustered when I _THINK_ of Kouga. (Ok…I do but not for the reasons everyone might think) I am concerned about him as I am about any good friend and I care about his general well-being. But come on! The guy promised himself to another girl _years_ before he met me (I know he remembers it even if he claims otherwise). The only reason he 'fell' for me was because I sensed a few jewel shards for him, so he could protect his people. Besides…he kidnapped me in the first place! I swear, there are times when he is just as bad as Inuyasha…but at least he shares his feelings! Even if it does make me uncomfortable. But of course, Mr Possessive doesn't see that at all.

"What do you think you're doing here wolf?" Like it isn't obvious.

"I just said mutt. I came to see Kagome."

'_Great_,' I thought. _'Another fight over me_.'

I must admit, it's quite flattering to be fought over. But for these two, it's not a case of trying to win my heart. It's simply a mindless ego trip.

"Well you've seen her. Leave." Oh, I feel so loved.

"Why should I mutt? It seems only you have a problem with me being here." I can think of others.

"Would you just get out of here?" Inuyasha snapped, drawing his Tetsusaiga. "Unless you've come to share Naraku's whereabouts or hand over the shards in your legs I don't want to see your face around here."

"You couldn't beat me and you know it mutt!"

"Just try me wolf. I'll be glad to finish you off."

"SIT BOY!" I yelled, bringing any further taunts to a halt and stopping them both in their tracks before one or other ended up dead. He could hate me later. "Kouga, you'd better leave." Yes Kouga…leave. Please! Did I mention these meetings always make me very uncomfortable?

"Alright, alright. I'm going," Kouga growled at the fallen half-demon before pulling my hands closer to his face. "Until next time," he whispered gently before disappearing in a flurry of air, leaving me staring at an empty space. I hate it when he does that.

"What on earth do you see in that guy?" a very ticked off Inuyasha growled at me, his face covered in dust, sheathing his Tetsusaiga once more.

"Excuse me?" I asked, surprised that he was asking such a personal question. Usually he couldn't give two hoots about my life.

"He's all over you and you just stand there lapping it up."

"I do not!"

"Yeah you do," he smirked, making me want to 'sit' him right then and there. Honestly, he can be so annoying.

"Look, it's not like I _ask_for the attention!"

"It's not like you pull away."

Hello? Does he not realise that I can't half the time? Kouga is a wolf demon…no…_HEAD_ of a _TRIBE_ of wolf demons. With Shikon jewel shards. _In his legs_! I am a human girl. Ok, a reincarnation of a dead priestess with massive spiritual powers, but a human girl nonetheless. Therefore…Kouga is a little bit stronger than I am. Besides, it's impolite to pull away.

"Do we have to have this argument every single time?"

"Do you have to fawn over him every single time?"

I was horrified. "I do not _FAWN_!"

"Well, you don't exactly run away screaming when he appears."

"It's not like I _encourage_him."

"You don't tell him to back off."

"No…you do enough for both of us."

"Well, someone has to tell him to shove off."

"And yet, it hasn't worked."

"Because all you do is flash a smile and he thinks you're all his!"

"Ever stop to think I'm just being friendly?"

"Friendly? Friendly is a smile and getting to know the person. Your version of friendly with Kouga is the same sort of friendly that Miroku gets up to in every village!"

"Hey!" came a protest from the monk in question.

"Well you do!" snapped Sango beside him.

The monk shrugged, earning himself a slap up the face while I continued yelling.

"I resent the implication. I am not that bad!"

"Well, if the shoe fits…"

"Don't even _think_ of finishing that phrase."

"I can if I want to. If the shoe fits…"

"Uh…excuse me?"

"WHAT?" we snapped, turning to glare at whoever interrupted us. Ginta and Hakkaku trembled a little, before clinging to each other in terror. We must have been yelling pretty loudly. I never even heard them run up and from the looks of it neither did Inuyasha.

"Umm…can…did you see…umm…Kouga…" Ginta asked, faltering.

As one, the whole group pointed and watched as the pair of them nodded in understanding, backed away with their hands raised in a gesture of surrender before turning and tearing down the road as fast as their legs could carry them.

"Weird," murmured Inuyasha, staring at the dust cloud they left behind them.

"Yeah," I agreed before both of us continued to walk, argument momentarily forgotten as we considered the strange pair who had passed us.

Although…I could have sworn I heard Shippo mutter something along the lines of, "They're the ones who are weird."

* * *

We came across a village at some point during the day and, reluctant to spend _another_ night outdoors, Miroku swiftly sought out the head man of the village and, taking him to one side, began to gesture skywards, his face serious. To the casual observer, he was the image of a pious, earnest monk. To the four of us rolling our eyes in the background, it was no doubt an elaborate tale we were familiar with. We could almost predict the lies he was spinning to the poor superstitious man about a demonic presence threatening the town and everyone in it.

But from the way the older man shook our friend's hands and the way Miroku looked awkward as he returned, it wasn't surprising for us to learn the village was indeed terrorised by an actual demon. Inuyasha dismissed it, but seemed to change his mind once I sensed a sacred jewel shard. Honestly, you would think he would show a LITTLE compassion? It's not like he doesn't enjoy fighting demons (any chance to prove his fighting skills and strength) and the tougher they are the more of a challenge it gives him. But at least I can say this for him. He's no quitter.

The plan was simple. Locate said demon and everyone would contribute to taking it down. Inuyasha would then jump in and save the day (his words not mine. He's got _such_ a big head).

Locating him wasn't hard. He had a jewel fragment didn't he? And his demonic presence was hardly subtle. In fact, nothing about him was subtle. He made his entrance in the middle of a field in bloom, making such a racket that we would have heard him, even if we weren't trying to find him. His spiked tail swiped across the field, taking out many young plants, heads alternatively roaring and gazing around intent on finding some sort of enemy. From time to time he would swipe a claw, grabbing or slashing through an unsuspecting villager who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Oh yeah. Did I mention this thing had _THREE HEADS_?

We stared at it for a moment, startled, before Inuyasha smirked claiming he'd get a workout after all. Miroku did get the chance to remind him that three heads shared one body after listening to him boast, so we came up with a plan. Distract the heads and take out the body. Simple enough. My job was to locate the shard and help keep the focus of one of the heads away from Inuyasha who would try to cut out the shard (no surprise there) and take out the body itself with his Wind Scar. Inuyasha was instructed to stay back and watch until I found the shard. One demon is hard enough to fight. Three heads makes it difficult to focus. To my surprise Inuyasha agreed! He had no fever, hadn't been hit on the head with anything and he _seemed_ to be the real deal. But when does he actually listen to any of us?

Miroku and Sango took to the air on Shippo and Kirara respectively. I stayed on the ground, well within sight of the centre head, bow and arrow at the ready. I was under strict instructions to run if I heard the familiar battle cry and aim for a ditch a little bit away from me. Sango was to keep an eye on me and get me out of there if I couldn't get there in time.

It was a good plan and I trusted both Inuyasha and Sango. None of them would let anything happen to me if they could possibly help it. I was as safe as anyone else was.

Pity not everyone thought so.

Not really certain how to distract one head without attracting the attention of the other two, I watched Sango and started imitating her. Dancing a little in front of it while keeping just out of its reach. The only way it could get to me was by stepping forward, but it could only do that if the other two agreed and right now they were a little busy. So I kept annoying it, watching the frustration grow and seriously believing that the plan was going to go smoothly. Famous last words!

The problem with a three-headed creature is that each head has a different brain and therefore a different personality. Sango had the bad-tempered side, one that reminded me of Inuyasha in the heat of battle. All fury, no brain. Miroku had the determined side that kept persisting no matter what. And I, to my horror, discovered that the centre was the intelligent one. This one had logic and understanding on it's side. Not good! After snapping at me for all of two seconds, the creature seemed to realised that we were merely the distraction and searched for Inuyasha, who was already moving round him. Growling, somehow it caught and directed the attention of the other two towards him. I panicked. I can admit that. In retrospect my actions were probably not the brightest in the world but in my defence in order to destroy this demon, we needed the Wind Scar and Inuyasha was now too busy fighting to stay alive to find the demon's weak spot. I grabbed an arrow, drawing it back and aimed to graze the side of 'my' head.

It worked…a little too well. It's focus returned to me and all I could do was hope that Miroku and Sango had seen me and were now about to follow my example. Kirara's growl and Miroku's shout gave me momentary relief and a flash of red at the corner of my eye told me Inuyasha had escaped. I breathed again…but not for long. Right here and now I had a great, big, ugly demon head that was trying to figure out the best way to kill me. Not terribly reassuring. Drawing back, the head seemed to inhale…and in one of those horrible moments of clarity, I knew what it was going to do to me. Having no arrow in my hand, I fumbled a little, searching for one in my quiver before my fingers grabbed a shaft. The head stopped and shifted, blasting a great blaze of flames directly at me. It was like everything was in slow motion. I went to draw back the arrow, knowing it could protect me from the flames. But before I even had time to move, and long before the flames even thought of coming my way, a great force slammed into me, physically pulling me away from my spot. Breathless and a little dazed, I didn't try to resist. I couldn't. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out who or what was carrying me away.

A chance gust of wind blew into my face and I recognised the scent of moss, dead leaves and sweat. Kouga!

I tried to struggle then, but against Kouga's brute strength and muscle, it didn't register until he moved to put me down in a safe place. Besides that, my own physical condition had severely weakened from his initial contact. My entire side hurt and I was still trying to breathe after being seriously winded. As the wolf demon stopped running and set me down about a mile from the fight, I reached out and slapped him. I have _never_ done that before and I really hope I don't do it again, but I was frustrated and terrified for my friends. What if the head I was supposed to be watching killed Inuyasha? Or Sango? Or Miroku? Or even little Shippo? Could I live with myself knowing I was safe when they had died depending on me? I had to get back and since Kouga was the one who had taken me away, he was the one I lashed out at.

"What did you do that for?" His eyes stared at me, his hand raised to his face in surprise.

"I'm sorry but you just saved me when you should have left me alone!"

He blinked. "What?"

I pointed to the fight. "That creature has a Shikon jewel shard embedded somewhere and I was trying to distract one of the heads so we could get it. You have to take me back _NOW_ or else someone is going to die!"

"You mean the mutt." It was a statement. Not a question.

I was ready to kill him. "Yes, I mean Inuyasha. I also mean Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara and all those villagers I can't name. I need to fight. _THEY_ need me to fight and you have to take me back there and let me!"

He folded his arms. "And if I refuse?"

I glared at him, furious. "Either take me back there or I will _RUN_ back myself!"

His face softened. "It's too dangerous Kagome," he told me, his hands moving to clasp mine. "I can't let you go back."

"Let me go," I answered, glaring back at him. Doing everything possible to refrain from spitting in his face or kicking him where it hurt.

Something must have gone through. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't sure…ok, that's a lie. But why did he always have to treat me as if I were something pathetic, helpless little princess?

He carried me back, both quickly and carefully, stopping a little way from the main battle. I pushed myself out of his arms impatiently, only remembering to thank him at the last minute. I stumbled a little as I ran, pressing a hand to my side where I had been hit. I could feel the heat from a blast of flames and threw myself to the ground, feeling the inferno right above me. It passed as quickly as it came, leaving me cold. I got up, my bow still firmly in my hand. The arrows had long since gone, scattered when Kouga moved to save me. But my focus was on the sky above me, searching for some sign of life among the flames and smoke. I got it in the form of a pink balloon.

I sighed in relief, wincing as I did so. A moment later, a streak of red flashed by me welcomingly. However, one of the heads turned to follow with it's eyes…and spotted me.

Swallowing, I turned to run, moving much too slowly and became too breathless too quickly. I threw myself to the ground once more, shielding my head with my hands as flames skimmed past me. I glanced up, terrified, spotting Inuyasha above me.

"Where's the shard?" he grunted, each word accented by a swing of his sword.

I ducked again, this time scrabbling for a branch, twig…_anything _that could vaguely resemble an arrow. I did not want to think about how that creature could have missed me.

"Don't bother looking for a weapon. Just tell me where the jewel shard is and then hide. It's the only useful thing you can do." He crashed into a tree behind me, before getting up, snarling, to stand close beside me.

Hurt, I turned away from him, focusing my energy on the demon. "Centre head, at the back of the neck about a third of the way down," I told him, trying desperately not to cry. Pathetic, isn't it? My life is in danger, my friends could be dying and I'm trying not to cry over a hurtful comment. How sad can you get? He didn't even turn round to face me. Just launched himself off the ground, aiming for the centre head that kept breathing fire. The spot I had indicated. I picked myself up, scrambling to the ditch not far from me and falling into it without much grace. But it was cool and gave me a chance to breathe.

Once I was sure it was safe to come out, I peeked over the lip of the ditch, my eyes stinging from the smoke and desperately searching for someone I knew coming towards me. Sango was the first to land near me and with her help I was able to climb out and hug her. Both of us were smoky and grimy, but we were alive and that was all we needed to know. A desperate cry from Shippo told us he was alive and quickly he launched himself at me while Miroku went to Sango to ensure everything (and I mean _EVERYTHING_) was there. The sound of her slap must have guided Inuyasha to us because he was with us in two seconds, Tetsusaiga over his shoulder, face and robe smudged with soot, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Told ya I could do it," he said proudly. Like we ever doubted him. He held up a Shikon jewel shard before tossing it to me casually. I flinched a little as I stretched to catch it but no-one noticed. The smoke was covering my movements.

Kouga's little tornado soon cleared most of it away as the wolf demon himself appeared in front of us, eyes checking to make sure I was alright. Seeing I was still in one piece, he turned and lashed out at Inuyasha.

"What do you think you were doing, putting Kagome in such danger? If you have a death wish, fine. I couldn't care less! But leave Kagome out of it!"

"Hey, she knew what she was getting into! We've survived worse."

"Maybe, but you were not looking out for her. While you were playing the coward and sneaking round that thing," (Inuyasha growled at the implication) " I had to save Kagome."

"YOU saved Kagome?"

"Yes. Me! And it was a good job I was here because Kagome would have died otherwise."

"No she wouldn't."

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Because I was here!"

"Yeah. It _REALLY_ looked like it."

"Look we had a plan to take that thing down. Kagome was playing her part and I was playing mine."

"Putting a human directly in harm's way. That's low even for you mitt!"

"_DON'T_ call me mutt!"

"I'll call you whatever I want. You nearly kill Kagome and you expect me to let you get away with that?"

"She was fine. She knew what to do if she got into trouble."

"Don't you care about her at all?"

"Of course I do…I mean, we need her to find the jewel shards…"

"Is that all?"

"Feh. What else would there be?"

That was it. I had heard enough. Hauling myself to my feet from the rock I had been resting on, I placed a hand on each guy's chest and physically pushed them apart. I was ready to do some ranting of my own.

I glared at Inuyasha first, taking a detached kind of satisfaction in watching the terror on his face. Placing my hands on my hips and standing on my tiptoes to bring my eyes level to his own…I waited. Then exploded. I can't remember the exact words I used, but I'll try to recall the basic gist of them.

"You need me to find the sacred jewel shards and that's it? Do I mean nothing to you? Listen here pal, I may be able to locate the shards for you but I am still a human being and I would appreciate being treated as more than just your Shard Detector!"

And you," I whirled to face Kouga who was smirking behind me. "You need to realise that you can't just save me from every little danger. I am not some weak, defenceless damsel! You need to let me fight sometimes!

"Make a single comment about my fighting ability dog boy and so help me, I will sit you so hard you are going to make the people in Australia blink! And I don't care if you have no idea what I'm talking about! Just trust that it is very _VERY_ far away!

And if you so much as _THINK_ about smirking Mr 'I'm-so-wonderful' I will personally take this arrow and purify you here and now! And _DON'T_ think I'm joking!

You both think you are so superior to the other. Kouga, you think Inuyasha's beneath you because he's a half demon. But most of your power is coming from the shards in your legs so don't get too cocky!

And Inuyasha, you are _SO_ possessive! Can't you just trust me to tell guys to back off on my own without threatening them and making them _TWICE_ as determined to see me? Just back off and stop being such an idiot. I have stuck with you until now and I probably will for a while. Deal with it!

_YOU_ need to stop coming to see me_ JUST_ as an excuse to annoy Inuyasha. You owe him a lot you know, and you have never _ONCE_ said, 'Thank you'!

Inuyasha you have _GOT_ to stop being so violent! It would be nice if just once, you wouldn't start a conversation with a threat!

Kouga, you need to stop acting like you are so perfect because you are not. You made a promise long ago to a girl you knew, and you just _PRETEND_ to forget about it. You are _SUCH_ a liar and how do you expect me to trust you when you can't fulfil a promise?"

"Kagome…"

"I don't want to hear it Kouga. You think I'm weak. You think I'm pathetic and need you with me at all times. _AND_ you told Ayame your wife needed to be able to find sacred jewel shards so you are _JUST_ as bad as Inuyasha and don't start thinking you are any different!

And _YOU_! You need to stop fighting to prove yourself. You're a half-demon. We get it. Big whoop. Stop acting like the world revolves around you and that it dealt you a bad hand! You turn everything into an argument for the sheer heck of it!

Stop treating me like an idiot. Stop acting like idiots and just _GROW UP_!"

I paused, panting for breath, watching the two of them stare at me. Turning my back on them, I picked up my backpack and marched past them all, pausing only to borrow Kirara. Sango gave me a tiny half smile as she handed the demon over…almost as if she were proud. Scared but proud. I grinned back, feeling absolutely nothing but exhaustion, but didn't let anyone else see.

My last glimpse of the group was of a red figure getting up slowly as I flew away and a wolf demon scratching his head in confusion.

* * *

So that's why I'm home.

I'm not as angry now. In fact I'm a little embarrassed. I just let everything out and never once stopped to think about what I was saying. Now it's all written down and I almost wish the ground would swallow me up. I think I'm going to stay home for a while. I don't think I could face them all right now and I guess I could use the time to catch up on some studying.

That…and maybe remember how to move without flinching?


End file.
